Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Randomize
