Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
