She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
