sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
