I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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