I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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