I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
