Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
