That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
A+ Viking dick
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
