yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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