I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
You just made me feel so damn special
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Randomize
