Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
