after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize