your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
