I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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