i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
