so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
