bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
