she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
