so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
