I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
someone threw a dead crab at me
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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