I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
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