I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
