his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
