New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
