Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
