He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
