This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
