So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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