Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
