haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
