Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
