So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
