Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
