So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
