why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
