Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize