Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
