So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
