i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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