Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
