the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize