kristin has been a bad kristin
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
