I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize
