I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
