fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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