You just made me feel so damn special
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize