So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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