we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
