My friends, they love my intelligence
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Apparently you make a good broom.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I just found a bag of teeth...
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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