Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
