My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
