It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
