So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
