why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
No...this little piggys going to the bar
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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