I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
