How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
