Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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