You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
