She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
