Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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