I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
