Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
