'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
