And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
third nipple confirmed
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
