bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
