you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
