Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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