There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm like, not good at living.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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