so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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