why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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