Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
