My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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