i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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